Equation for Two: There’s More to It Than Just Sharing Finances
Your own FI equation might not be yours alone. Some of us must balance our own goals, priorities, and resources with another’s. If you already found that person, or just hope to one day, this series of posts is for you. It will cover the challenges, the opportunities, and the conversations that come with sharing a life and finances. You’ll recognize these posts by the ‘Equation for Two’ in the title.
The decisions I make around financial independence (FI) are not just mine. I share every input that goes into my own FI equation with someone else.
I met my wife, Jamie, during our freshman year of college. We dated, graduated, moved in together, and got married about seven years in. Every stage of our relationship required decisions that impacted both our futures, financially and otherwise.
In school we had both wanted to study abroad, but I couldn’t make it work. I needed to graduate with a certain number of credits to eventually get my CPA license, and going abroad would have left me short unless I stayed for a fifth year.
Jamie was not thrilled when I told her I couldn’t make the semester abroad work.
She decided not to participate in the study abroad program either and chose another program that allowed her to spend a semester in DC for an internship. We were three hours apart that semester, but I was able to drive from Pennsylvania to DC to visit. It’s how we both started to fall in love with the DC area.
Jamie’s internship led to her career, so things worked out. She has almost forgiven me for skipping the study abroad program.
There was nothing saying Jamie couldn’t have gone abroad on her own. Or that I couldn’t have stayed a fifth year to make up for the credits. Nothing that said I couldn’t have changed my career plans entirely and done something other than becoming a CPA.
Any of those choices could have made sense.
But in the end, we made the decision together. We committed to each other, and that meant sacrificing, listening, and trying to understand one another.
What does this have to do with financial independence?
At the time I thought the ‘financial decision’ was the cost of going abroad and the extra year of school. But in hindsight, this was the decision everything financial got built on. The place we’d live. The careers we’d have. Whether I’d get my CPA. It even pushed us toward making those decisions together.
We didn’t know it then, but we were shaping our financial future before we had ever made a budget together.
That decision worked out. Plenty don’t. And sometimes the difference is not just the decision itself, but who you are making it with, how honestly you are making it, and whether both people are willing to carry the consequences together.
A couple’s financial future is not just about combining accounts. It is about combining direction and being the person your partner needs beside them.
My parents recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. When I told my dad I was going to start writing about the decisions around financial independence, his first comment was that I should make sure to talk about the importance of sharing and discussing financial decisions with the person you are building a life with.
This is the start of my efforts to address his request.
More to come.
— Brad
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This is meant to help you think through financial decisions and tradeoffs—not tell you exactly what to do. It’s general in nature and not personalized advice (see full disclaimer).